“Life is suffering.” Buddha taught this as the first of the Four Noble Truths. But we didn’t need that to be pointed out! We already know this is true. So why do we seem to be so surprised when we start making choices to grow up and it..hurts?  I think that’s why they’re called growing pains, not growing comforts! 🙂  Anyway, what’s deeper from this wisdom from Buddha is about acceptance; once we understand and acknowledge that life is suffering, we can transcend it and begin to solve life’s wide array of problems with discipline and healthy choices. My thought process was inspired by the daily mass readings, followed by a routine walk with a fellow truth seeker. I came home with an overflow of things to get off of my chest. First of which is thankfulness to have someone in the trenches with me getting muddy and being confused. And growing. And learning. And sharpening each other like iron sharpens iron (Proverbs 27:17). He holds me accountable to my spiritual growth. He is also a familiar, yet, very uncomfortable representation of many of my past relationships, especially from childhood, that have now spilled over into adulthood; as they do for all of us and will forever until they are met face to face with a hammer of healing and a determination for spiritual growth. Making the commitment to spiritual growth is a life long journey, much like fitness. It’s an ongoing battle because we are faced with new people, feelings, and situations every day. No matter how we may prepare for the encounters we will have, the truth is we still can’t change our past and will never know the future. So it’s a journey, not a destination! And every day that we are blessed with the opportunity to live, let’s make choices to live in the light, to make the best of this suffering, because hey, now that we can say it so…lightly, it’s not such a suffer fest! It’s a new challenge! Perfect challenge for today, December 1st, 2013, the first day of Advent. Happy New Year, by the way. Advent is a time of preparation for Christmas, the celebration of the birth of Christ. What really hit me about the readings from today is the accountability. The empowerment. I was overwhelmed with these feelings as I read Romans 13:11-14, “You know the time, it is the hour now for you to awake from sleep. Let us throw off the works of darkness and put on the armor of LIGHT. Let us conduct ourselves properly as in the day, not as in orgies and drunkenness, not in promiscuity and lust, not in rivalry and jealousy. But put on the Lord Jesus Christ and make no provisions for the desires of the flesh.” Some of us began a fast today for the four weeks of Advent. If you haven’t thought about it, maybe you can try fasting from something that makes your flesh feel good, i.e., chocolate, complaining, being lazy. Abstain from these until Christmas. It’ll strengthen your discipline. And consider reading something interesting that will empower you to make the right choices, as we were advised by Paul in the letter to the Romans. We have the freedom to choose the way we live our lives. Check out the third chapter of Allen Wheelis’ How People Change, called “Freedom and Necessity”.  It’s a toughie but it’s worth the read.

Growing up is difficult but you don’t want to be a child forever. Just because you turn 18 or 21 or 30 does not mean you are an adult. When you make a conscious and deliberate effort to become an adult, then the road to freedom begins. It’s the road less traveled, by the way. Now that you are awake with new insight, go and rock this life! Fulfill your destiny! “When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me.” 1 Corinthians 13:11.

Here’s a beautiful prayer from St. Francis of Assisi: “Most High, glorious God, enlighten the darkness of my heart and give me true faith, certain hope, and perfect charity, sense and knowledge, that I might carry out your holy and true command.”  Happy New Year! Happy Advent! 🙂

Peace.

Two of the readings from today’s mass today were on Hospitality! One was from Genesis and one was from Luke’s Gospel. I just happened to be hosting a small family get together this afternoon so it was especially meaningful to me.

Chapter 18 of Genesis was about Abraham’s visitors. If you notice from the reading, Abraham did not know these three men but he RAN to them to fill their needs and basically threw a barbecue for them!  He was very generous in the way he cared for them and was not only ready and available, but he was quick. After this, it was promised to him that he and Sarah would have a son, even considering all of the obstacles, such as her old age. And wow, what a family tree that created! By the way, notice I didn’t say a “good” family tree–there were arguments and selling siblings into slavery and all kinds of good, bad and ugly. No family is perfect. Anyway, back to the point of this story…God comes to us in many forms and that’s why it’s important to lavish your guests (anyone you meet on your path of life is your “guest”) with all of the gifts you have, spiritually and physically, and be ready at all times. Well, better said, know that you are ready at all times. God will never ask something of you that you are not prepared to give. So, be like Abraham and notice when God steps into your life and there are opportunities to use your spiritual gifts. Keep reading through this chapter and into chapter 22 and here’s my little recap: We greet the Lord with hospitality, then we trust God with whatever he asks of us and all of the great gifts He’s blessed us with, even if it’s by risking or sacrificing them (Abraham’s son!).  He has to test you to know what he can trust you with. With every test of faith you will be rewarded with more blessings and responsibility than you can even imagine; as “numerous as the stars in the sky and as the sand on the seashore”, actually! Look within you to find God, feed God, trust God and let God work His miracles in your life.

The Gospel reading was from Luke 10:38-42, about two sisters, Martha and Mary, hosting Jesus. It’s an interesting and somewhat confusing reading. I love it, though, because it is a reminder to me that someone that is such a great teacher and leader, such as Jesus, also has a sense of humor and can talk me off of the ledge when I am taking myself too seriously. I can imagine me and my sister right there before Jesus, while He tells one of his stories: probably me waiting on him and probably my sister sitting at His feet entertaining and listening to Him. She’s such a good listener! Jesus would probably be teasing me, (i.e., Martha) oh, Martha, sweetie, why so serious? You are fully engaged as your authentic self right now just being a good host! I am enjoying you “do your thing” and I am enjoying your sister do hers! That’s why this afternoon is so comfortable and wonderful! No one is being someone they aren’t. You’re just being real with me and I love it. (WWJD!) haha He’s STILL such a good teacher. I (Martha) was about to miss the point of the story because I was too distracted with myself to focus on what He was saying. This parable is interesting to me because in a way, it has two parts: this one that I just described about everyone having different spiritual gifts but also another that is a little more subtle. I know there are many times I have cut someone off in the middle of a really neat story just to point out that they pronounced a word wrong or they got the date wrong or..who knows what..but I totally missed the point of their story by being selfish. We don’t even know what Jesus was talking about in this parable but it was probably worth listening to and can you just see me (Martha) interrupting Him like that just to prove a point and tattle on my sister? Think of that next time you interrupt! 🙂 Just a quick bunny-trail. But back to the gifts.. Are you Martha, a hard-working, busy bee of a host, who is always taking care of someone, or are you Mary, the thoughtful, intuitive, observant person who God can really spend time with and get deep within your soul? He needs all types of soldiers for His army!

We each bring very unique gifts to the Round Table. And that’s the point. When you try to be something you aren’t, people can pick up on your pretense, so just be yourself. If you find yourself trying to be someone else, ask yourself why. Is it something you were conditioned to hold back in school or at home? Take a look deep inside and pull out your true self and that will be your best self. It’s worth it. On that note, for you parents who have more than one child: don’t expect  your children to be alike. They’ll be very different so enjoy them for who they are. That expectation puts a lot of unnecessary pressure on kids and also creates rifts between them. Sibling rivalry can be tough enough without you fueling the fire. I, being one of five children, know first hand how subtle things my mother would say could be very hurtful to me or to one of my siblings. And she may have even meant it in a complimentary way to me but didn’t realize that it had the opposite effect; I actually wanted to hide that spiritual gift instead because I didn’t want it to create any tension or competition between a sister or brother. Think of your multiple children like a big team. You need lots of different players to fulfill different positions on the team to take the win. You, as the coach, can help them work together by doing team building activities (even the most basic things like dinner and other daily activities) that highlight each child’s gifts and dynamic personality to encourage team work and sibling bonding which will create brothers and sisters that are best friends forever. BFF! Yes. Love my sibs. 🙂 (Can you guess who is the cheerleader of my 5?) Go team! And speaking of being a coach of a winning team, you may have to learn a new language with every new child. Love language, that is! If you haven’t read The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman, it’s an incredible book. The more languages you can speak at home and with everyone on your path, the more relatable and approachable you will be. And I bet you’ll even begin to speak..less..and listen more..but that’s another blog!

So let’s keep finding the gifts in all of the people we are blessed to call family and friends. That’ll be a lot more rewarding than looking for their faults.

And be authentic. Let those I just mentioned find the real you, too.

“To thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man.” – William Shakespeare

Peace.

As usual, I was filled and inspired by the Holy Spirit at mass this morning. The readings were so perfect. I have been focusing on finding my passion and trying to move only in that direction without being so distracted by “what looks good on paper”. Improving my own inner dialogue and body language. Intuition. Discernment. I have been visiting with a friend lately on this very point and he reminded me that we are called to do one thing: LOVE. To bring love, to share love. To love your neighbor as yourself. We are not called to do anything else with the people around us except love them. We are reminded of this in the Gospel reading of today, Luke 10:25-37. One of Jesus’ most famous parables of the Good Samaritan is only described in this Gospel and I am thankful to be reminded how simple it (loving others) really is. Just showing mercy on others who we come upon in our normal, daily path, just like the Good Samaritan in the story. We don’t have to go out of our way to find people to love and we don’t have to give more than we have. There are people right before you and you are already well equipped to care for them. And it takes more than just “feeling for the person” but acting on the feeling. Love with action. Find a need and fill it, right? What does that person need and how can you help? Maybe your story will be lending a listening ear or spending time with a person. That could be the oil and wine you use to care for their wounds. What do you have in your “pocket”, per se, to care for those around you? It’s not necessarily two silver coins but it may be two feet and two hands motivated by love and guided by your spiritual gifts on a path of love and tenderness that will heal everyone you meet.

You may wonder where you will find all of this love, compassion and action?! It’s inside of you, as promised. Moses talks about that promise in today’s first reading, Deuteronomy 30:10-14, and reminds us that God actually gave us everything we need to be successful at this life. Whatever we want is INSIDE of us! It’s not unknown to us or hidden in the sky or across the sea. It’s actually inside of us already. All we have to do is ACT. Like in the Gospel reading, it’s not just a feeling we show to others. It’s acting when we are faced with an opportunity to love our neighbors. This personal journey reminds me of one of my favorite books, The Alchemist, by Paulo Coelho.

Today’s readings and thoughts reminded me of the advice in 1 John 4 about intuition and love. I made it more personal by inserting my name. Try it! (read the whole chapter, I only mixed in parts of it here)

You, dear one, are from God and have overcome the spirits of the world, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world. They are from the world and therefore speak from the viewpoint of the world, and the world listens to them. We are from God, and whoever knows God listens to us; but whoever is not from God does not listen to us. This is how we recognize the Spirit of truth and the spirit of falsehood. Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love…… There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

It’s a confusing world out there, and we are constantly being pulled in many different directions by friends, family, community, society, etc., but if you just sharpen your intuition, you will begin to realize that it’s not as hard as we make it. We just need to let the spirit move us. Act on our love when we feel inspired to do so. No need to hesitate or fear because, like the readings above, perfect love drives out fear. Act in love and there is no fear. And that love is within you. God did not hide it from you, He hid it within you. Search deep within yourself and have courage to cut the strings that are binding you to fear. You are not a puppet on a string; you are a soldier of LOVE!  Act now, we are in a spiritual war and there’s no time to waste.

Peace.

Trust. It’s been on my mind lately. It seems like we have entered this day in age where we are overly connected by social media but lacking quality, “old school” communication. We just lie all the time! Sure, I’ll call you later. No call. I’ll text you that info. No text. See you at 11. No show.

What’s going on? I know you’re just sitting there with your phone in your hand texting someone or goofing off on Instagram. I want you to know how important trust is in love, friendship, business, fitness, and to your relationship with yourself and with God. If you are flaky with yourself or others, you slowly and surely lose their trust. Even if you think you care, your actions speak louder than words and the other person thinks you don’t value them. One leader in the “trust industry”, David Horsager talks about being trusted for good or bad. He says “if you’re late all the time, I’ll trust you to be late! We’re all a bunch of lying apologizers; Oh, sorry I was late. You’re not sorry! Why didn’t you just tell me you were going to be late?”  This all goes along with what I talked about in a previous blog about being a “yes person”. Just say NO when you know you’re not going to do something. People love honesty and direct feedback. They can process that. It’s better for you and for them to just be “straight up” and say no. I can’t meet you for coffee. I don’t want another date. I am not going to make that deadline. Just tell them. No need in trying to be “nice” to them by lying. All you do is lower their trust in you.

Those of you who know me, know that I’ve been working with my mentor, Fr. Gus, of Wellspring Ministries for over ten years now. When I first started seeing him on a regular basis for one on one education, sometimes I was running late in between clients at work or just not make it (I’m so embarrassed to even admit this now). And one day, he sat me down for a “come to Jesus meeting” (pun intended) about my lateness and how disrespectful it was of me. He had blocked out that slot for me and respected me enough to hold that time just for me. He expected the same in return. I was never late again. It’s been said by Earl Nightingale and many others, to be careful what you expect of others, it’s usually what you’ll get.

In a relationship of any kind, it is absolutely appropriate to tell someone what you bring to the round table and to let them know what you expect of them. For instance, when I was running my personal training business full time, I was asking for advice on my hurt shoulder to one of the busiest and most well-known trainers here in Dallas. He charges more than almost any other trainer I know of. He offered to do some complimentary MAT on my shoulder. We booked a slot for 10 am; I thanked him and I told him I’d be there no matter what. But I told him that if anything came up or if a client needed that slot, to please give it up. His response changed my business and my life completely. He simply responded, “no, Marquette, I’ll see you at 10 am and I will not move the session for anything. When I give someone my word, I mean it. You are as important as any other client of mine no matter how much you are paying.”  Wow. I stopped rearranging my clients if at all possible. I made the smallest commitments and disciplined myself enough to follow through. It has made me stand out in my family, my business and in my friendships. It’s the respect for another human being to remember commitments you make to them, even if it’s going for a walk or to church or dinner. It’s the respect for another human being to call them back or answer the text as soon as you possibly can. It’s the respect for another human being not to “late cancel”, as we call it in the appointment biz. It’s nothing more than that old, simple advice, treat others as you’d like to be treated.

When you make a commitment in love, in business, in your personal dietary intake, or in any area of your life, just follow through. Always. And remember, a little leavening works throughout the whole batch of dough. Are you baking a life full of empty promises or the sweetest bread anyone has ever eaten and will travel miles and miles just to have a taste?

Peace.

I came across the fable about the Goose and the Horse:

A Goose, who was plucking grass upon a common, thought herself affronted by a Horse who fed near her, and in hissing accents thus addressed him. “I am certainly a more noble and perfect animal than you, for the whole range and extent of your faculties is confined to one element. I can walk upon the ground as well as you; I have besides wings, with which I can raise myself in the air; and when I please, I can sport in ponds and lakes, and refresh myself in the cool waters: I enjoy the different powers of a bird, a fish, and a quadruped. “The Horse, snorting somewhat disdainfully, replied,”It is true you inhabit three elements, but you make no very distinguished figure in any one of them. You fly, indeed; but your flight is so heavy and clumsy, that you have no right to put yourself on a level with the lark or the swallow. You can swim on the surface of the waters, but you cannot live in them as fishes do; you cannot find your food in that element, nor glide smoothly along the bottom of the waves. And when you walk, or rather waddle, upon the ground, with your broad feet and your long neck stretched out, hissing at every one who passes by, you bring upon yourself the derision of all beholders. I confess that I am only formed to move upon the ground; but how graceful is my make! How well turned my limbs! How highly finished my whole body! How great my strength! How astonishing my speed! I had far rather be confined to one element, and be admired in that, than be a Goose in all.”

It was just what I needed because I have been praying for will power against so many distractions lately. Since I am such a “yes person” I want to say yes to everything I’d be good at. And it’s even a little flattering to be bombarded with new and exciting opportunities every day. But what I actually need to get good at is saying “NO”.

It’s hard at first because you feel like you’re letting someone down but it’s actually better for you and that person in the end if you will just say no. And remember, “no” is a full sentence. You don’t have to explain yourself. (Yes, for those of you who know me, I’m the pot calling the kettle black right now because I tend to over-explain!) But it’s true, you will be better off concentrating on the ONE goal ahead of you, the thing you can master, rather than trying to be a jack of all trades.

You cannot hit two targets with one arrow. Stay focused!

Peace.