Trust. It’s been on my mind lately. It seems like we have entered this day in age where we are overly connected by social media but lacking quality, “old school” communication. We just lie all the time! Sure, I’ll call you later. No call. I’ll text you that info. No text. See you at 11. No show.

What’s going on? I know you’re just sitting there with your phone in your hand texting someone or goofing off on Instagram. I want you to know how important trust is in love, friendship, business, fitness, and to your relationship with yourself and with God. If you are flaky with yourself or others, you slowly and surely lose their trust. Even if you think you care, your actions speak louder than words and the other person thinks you don’t value them. One leader in the “trust industry”, David Horsager talks about being trusted for good or bad. He says “if you’re late all the time, I’ll trust you to be late! We’re all a bunch of lying apologizers; Oh, sorry I was late. You’re not sorry! Why didn’t you just tell me you were going to be late?”  This all goes along with what I talked about in a previous blog about being a “yes person”. Just say NO when you know you’re not going to do something. People love honesty and direct feedback. They can process that. It’s better for you and for them to just be “straight up” and say no. I can’t meet you for coffee. I don’t want another date. I am not going to make that deadline. Just tell them. No need in trying to be “nice” to them by lying. All you do is lower their trust in you.

Those of you who know me, know that I’ve been working with my mentor, Fr. Gus, of Wellspring Ministries for over ten years now. When I first started seeing him on a regular basis for one on one education, sometimes I was running late in between clients at work or just not make it (I’m so embarrassed to even admit this now). And one day, he sat me down for a “come to Jesus meeting” (pun intended) about my lateness and how disrespectful it was of me. He had blocked out that slot for me and respected me enough to hold that time just for me. He expected the same in return. I was never late again. It’s been said by Earl Nightingale and many others, to be careful what you expect of others, it’s usually what you’ll get.

In a relationship of any kind, it is absolutely appropriate to tell someone what you bring to the round table and to let them know what you expect of them. For instance, when I was running my personal training business full time, I was asking for advice on my hurt shoulder to one of the busiest and most well-known trainers here in Dallas. He charges more than almost any other trainer I know of. He offered to do some complimentary MAT on my shoulder. We booked a slot for 10 am; I thanked him and I told him I’d be there no matter what. But I told him that if anything came up or if a client needed that slot, to please give it up. His response changed my business and my life completely. He simply responded, “no, Marquette, I’ll see you at 10 am and I will not move the session for anything. When I give someone my word, I mean it. You are as important as any other client of mine no matter how much you are paying.”  Wow. I stopped rearranging my clients if at all possible. I made the smallest commitments and disciplined myself enough to follow through. It has made me stand out in my family, my business and in my friendships. It’s the respect for another human being to remember commitments you make to them, even if it’s going for a walk or to church or dinner. It’s the respect for another human being to call them back or answer the text as soon as you possibly can. It’s the respect for another human being not to “late cancel”, as we call it in the appointment biz. It’s nothing more than that old, simple advice, treat others as you’d like to be treated.

When you make a commitment in love, in business, in your personal dietary intake, or in any area of your life, just follow through. Always. And remember, a little leavening works throughout the whole batch of dough. Are you baking a life full of empty promises or the sweetest bread anyone has ever eaten and will travel miles and miles just to have a taste?

Peace.

I came across the fable about the Goose and the Horse:

A Goose, who was plucking grass upon a common, thought herself affronted by a Horse who fed near her, and in hissing accents thus addressed him. “I am certainly a more noble and perfect animal than you, for the whole range and extent of your faculties is confined to one element. I can walk upon the ground as well as you; I have besides wings, with which I can raise myself in the air; and when I please, I can sport in ponds and lakes, and refresh myself in the cool waters: I enjoy the different powers of a bird, a fish, and a quadruped. “The Horse, snorting somewhat disdainfully, replied,”It is true you inhabit three elements, but you make no very distinguished figure in any one of them. You fly, indeed; but your flight is so heavy and clumsy, that you have no right to put yourself on a level with the lark or the swallow. You can swim on the surface of the waters, but you cannot live in them as fishes do; you cannot find your food in that element, nor glide smoothly along the bottom of the waves. And when you walk, or rather waddle, upon the ground, with your broad feet and your long neck stretched out, hissing at every one who passes by, you bring upon yourself the derision of all beholders. I confess that I am only formed to move upon the ground; but how graceful is my make! How well turned my limbs! How highly finished my whole body! How great my strength! How astonishing my speed! I had far rather be confined to one element, and be admired in that, than be a Goose in all.”

It was just what I needed because I have been praying for will power against so many distractions lately. Since I am such a “yes person” I want to say yes to everything I’d be good at. And it’s even a little flattering to be bombarded with new and exciting opportunities every day. But what I actually need to get good at is saying “NO”.

It’s hard at first because you feel like you’re letting someone down but it’s actually better for you and that person in the end if you will just say no. And remember, “no” is a full sentence. You don’t have to explain yourself. (Yes, for those of you who know me, I’m the pot calling the kettle black right now because I tend to over-explain!) But it’s true, you will be better off concentrating on the ONE goal ahead of you, the thing you can master, rather than trying to be a jack of all trades.

You cannot hit two targets with one arrow. Stay focused!

Peace.